The seed of uncertainty

Figure 20 from Charles Darwin's The Expression...

Image via Wikipedia

So after a few days break it is good to be back at my desk with a little time to write. We are nearly twelve weeks now and apparently our baby is about 1.5 inches and has started growing little tiny nails and hairs.

Itziar is really starting to get that radiant pregnant glow and her her anxiety about being pregnant and not showing it physically is subsiding everyday. She is so beautiful and literally full of life it pours like sunshine from her pores.

Life has been full of challenges lately both personal and professional. I find my self being pulled in a variety of directions and it is literally tearing me apart. Sitting here writing and actually doing something I want to be doing is a great way for me to clarify what else it is I really want to do and what  I really have to do.

It seems to me there is a seed of uncertainty in all of us. I have noticed this more than ever recently. The seed in me is being fed with doubt about my uncertain future and the journey into the unknown me and Itziar finds ourselves embarking on.

I sit here and  I ask myself, is it really my fear, or am i just supposed to be scared? I am not denying that yes times are tough and the future is unclear at the moment but is it necessary to fear that? Or do I fear the unknown simply because other people do? I believe the latter. There is a kind of mass hysteria I have become more aware of around childbirth and I want no part of it.

That seed of uncertainty in me needs not grow of fear but of wonder because like death uncertainty is an undeniable truth of life and not an enemy but a wise teacher. My clinging at security and certainty only makes me fear uncertainty even more.

I will do everything I can to protect my child from this fear that is so abundant in the world. Of course the only way to do that is to live with faith in the idea that there is a grand plan for my time on this planet.

For me to live with faith is to have conviction in the things I am inspired to do and not to give up when doubt is weighing heavy on my mind.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Steven Grindlay
    Aug 13, 2010 @ 02:46:25

    Very nicely put Michael and so very difficult to achieve… you of all the many people I know… have the capacity to do this. Few do.

    Reply

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