Realizing the vision

I am now in a situation where I feel I must unite my vision for this pregnancy process with the reality I am creating. After slacking off yesterday and playing on my younger brother in law to be’s playstation for a bit to long my future wife expressed her concern in a mild mannered sort of “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” type of way.

I think my tendency when things are hard (and they are right now) is to regress to old coping mechanisms and hide. Maybe this is because the vision I held so strong is not materializing. I imagined our pregnancy would be a totally zen process of pure loving kindness and appreciation but on reflection I am still me, flawed.

Interestingly enough I have completed a ten day silent meditation retreat and it was wonderful, a really profound experience. I learned that an hour of focused meditation can restore the mind more than any length of sleep because the mind is still busy dreaming even when we slumber. I feel like life has provided me with the tools to survive this birthing process. However my inability to couple what I know to be true with action shocks me.

At least I am not in denial I have heard too many horror stories about sleep deprived parents. Depression, short tempers etc. I am declaring today that I am not going to let that happen

There is nothing to be afraid of its going to be OK

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